Long or Short?: 2005/08

30.8.05

I Love You Honey. And This Time I Mean It.

The diamond industry has tailored over 70 years of marketing around the idea that a marriage is NOT a marriage without the BLING. Their recent campaign underscores their updated message in a world where the role and composition of marriage is changing.

This anniversary, show her your love is everlasting by saying "I Forever Do."

Say "I Forever Do" as opposed to the first time you made that promise....but didn't really mean it. Well now you mean it forever, you do.

Another gem:

Only the gift of a diamond, as timeless and unique as your love, shows her you would marry her all over again.

In the past, many men have tried to show their devotion by treating their wives with respect, providing for them, and accompanying them to watch romantic comedies involving a woman and her bookstore (or a woman, her dog and a bookstore. Or a woman, her dog, and her 3 best friends, one of whom owns a bookstore and meets guys on IM). And they were all wrong. Thanks to the diamond industry and their products backed with extensive empirical romantical experimentation, we now know that only the gift of a diamond will suffice to show your wife that you will love her for foreverido.

24.8.05

JD is Long TEA

The Economist's Apprentice will make you laugh, but only if you click this link with your mouse.

Site is made of great.

14.8.05

Proposed Changes to the Koran: Part 1

My knowledge of Islamic doctrine is admittedly limited -- I'm the same guy who thought that "Mecca" was a low-carb energy drink until early last week. Apparently, the Koran prohibits the paying or receiving of interest. It's high time for Muslim leaders to update that belief because they're missing out on the American dream and the greatest invention of the modern age: sophisticated financial products. Why should I be able to own 6 condos in Miami (and a duplex in the Valley) while Muslims everywhere are forced to barter for housing?

It just seems like the type of situation where Muslim leaders should get together and say "Ok, from now on, this rule only applies to excessive interest. No loan sharking but that mortgage from Countrywide is A-OK."

I bet Mohammed would have been all about 4.4% fixed rate mortgages. He was only pissed because he had bad credit and the best he could do at the local medieval mortgage broker was a 7.8% 5/1 ARM. No way you want to put that kind of financing on a herd of mangy goats; you can't get gap insurance on them! I'd be pissed too.

13.8.05

Short My Own Brain

JD here and my brain has been blown by the guys at MR. TC and AT usually hit me up with some mind bending econ, but this is something that has broken my cognitive visual powers to the nth degree. In this image square A and square B are the same shade of gray.

No, I didn't believe it either. I looked it from every angle, I used every visual queue and I even tried some 3D glasses. Then KM hit me with this proo f. Thanks KM, my brain is feeling less vulnerable now. My intuition will bounce back though, so be ready to jump on it long in the near future. Big time. JD out.

11.8.05

Aliboohoo: 你的爸爸是谁

Yes yes, this whole $1bn Yahoo-Alibaba stake aquisition deal is big news to some people and I'm sure it will have some sort of really important impact on China, Indochine, Siam and all those places.

But all these stock-crazed investors are missing the glorious naming opportunities as the two funniest corporate names come together as one. When they inevitably decide to create new names and rebrand all their products, a total no-brainer in this analyst's opinion, the possibilities will be endless.

Yahooba has already been penned, but let's delve into my grab bag of branding brilliance:

Aliboohoo. It calls attention to the emptiness of life and the pathos associated with a capitalistic bourgeois existence.

Yalibaboo!. Alludes to a distant time, the golden age of our Half-Human Half-Dinosaur ancestors, who founded civilization 33,000 years ago and created badmitton (still played to this day, the oldest sport in continuous existence).

Baba ali,ya? Hoo!. Who am I? Why am I here? What is the meaning of life? Hoo!

Aliyahooblies. It booms out at you, making its presence felt from the very bosom of inspiration.

American China Auction and Search Corp. Provocative. Basic. Dynamic.

Hot-Hand in the Mahjong Game Inc

It pained my heart to learn that Who's Your Daddy is already taken by a licensing company; but 你的爸爸是谁 is still available.

It's obvious to you that these names are positioned for explosive growth because, well, we said so, and that's all the analysis you need. Strong Buy with a current price target of !.

9.8.05

The New Guy

Hello. I'm a new poster, my name is Johnny Debacle. JD for short. My MO is abbreviations. Because nothing beats a good abbrev. Well, nothing other than a cooler, better abbrev. The only abbrevs that I can't stand are overused, hackneyed abbrevs (e.g. LOL et al). But really, comparing abbrevs? Come on, find a better use of time.

I've noticed some of the other longorshort bloggers using really big words so I thought I'd kick it off by helping the readers who don't understand them.

iconoclast - this refers to a person who grabs on to icons, usually the ones on his desktop, and then drags them all over the place with no regard for human life. I know, random word huh?

esoteric - this word is only understood by a small group of people, I couldn't get a hold of them to get a definition.

Finally I'd like to say that I am the man. I was watching Miss Teen USA last night, and turned to my buddy right when Miss Teen Ohio walked out and I said: "she's the best, she's got the goods". Two thrilling hours later, she was crowned.

Now she's moving to New York and has free hair care for a year, and boy did she earn it. I can't wait to email her. Also, her favorite song is "Eye of the Tiger," what a GREAT answer to that question, ha, eye of the tiger, that's just great.

4.8.05

Initiating Coverage of the Little People Sector

We are initiating coverage on the Little People sector with the following ratings.
Gnomes - UNDERWEIGHT
Sky Gnomes - OVERWEIGHT
Dwarves - OVERWEIGHT
Elves - EQUALWEIGHT

Gnomes

Gnomes have been fading after a strong 2 year run fueled by gnome icon Giles Standish's turn as the Travelocity spokesman. Giles took gnomes to previously unattained levels and improved the group's overall reputation. Unfortunately, all good things must end and Travelocity recently announced a revamped marketing plan that included an early retirement for Giles. We wish him the best but downgrade the group as it appears unlikely that gnomes as a whole will be able to comp against the Giles loss, at least for the next year. Sell....

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2.8.05

I'm Long Supreme Justice Dance Parties

People fear that SC Nominee John Roberts will be an originalist constructionist contemplaterist platonic lover of agape. But all that "legal" analysis obscures the clear trends towards greater amounts of dance parties in the Supreme Court, a trend from which our readers can profit. The so-called "classic dance moves" are highly levered to Supreme Justice Dance Parties, so consider stocking your portfolio with...

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