Stocks Stocks Stocks: A Week in Review July 27th

The market sagged like grandma due to credit jitters, subprime worries, a lack of PE activity, a collapse in bond prices, non-double digit earnings growth, China, Russia, a superspike in the price of indium, the stupid ending of the Harry Potter book where he wakes up and it's just a dream and Voldemort is his dad (spoiler alert), and a realization by the market that no matter how high she goes, people will still see her as a failure if she has an off week. She is the hardest working woman in stock business, give her a break.




KKR (Sorta listed in like Amsterdam or some shit): Jealously eyeing Blackstone because they were able to pull off their IPO at a peak.
Market Impact -75

Blackstone (NYSE:BX): Jealously eyeing KKR because they were unable to pull off their IPO and thus are not exposed to the judgement of the plebes.
Market Impact -100

Every other PE firm -- Jealously eyeing KKR and Blackstone for being incrementally more prestigious than they.
Market Impact -300

Chevron (NYSE: CVX): Chevron continued investing in production facilities for it's "Blind Faith" field in the Gulf of Mexico. First drilled in 2005 there is little to no evidence that oil reserves will be discovered. When asked why the company was spending so aggressively on this speculative field they responded "Go ahead, don't believe us, that sure worked out well for Doubting Thomas didn't it? Just because you can't see the oil doesn't mean there isn't any, that's what faith IS, duh".
Market Impact -20

The Actual Economy: Hey guys, I'm doing great! Why y'all look so glum?
Market Impact -400

The Ring of Greenspan

Very suddenly it came, and without forewarning of its nearness, a horror of hellish red light, swift as a wind-blown flame, that leapt from the market's gloom and sprang upon us where we stood. We saw, in a floating redness as of ghostly blood, the black and semi-serpentine form of the Subprime Exposure. A flat and snakish head, without ears or nose, was tearing at our portfolio's armor with sharp, serrate teeth. I heard the teeth clash and grate on the tiering credit protection of our CDO.

Swiftly I laid the ring of Greenspan on a stone I had placed in readiness, and broke the dark jewel with a blow of the Hewlett-Packard financial calculator which I carried. From the pieces of the lightly shattered gem, the disemprisoned demon rose in the form of a smoky fire, small as a candle-flame at first, and greatening to a spinning inferno. Hissing softly with the voice of fire, and brightening to a wrathful, terrible gold, Greenspan leapt forward to do battle with Subprime Exposure, as he had promised me, in return for his freedom after cycles of captivity.



Greenspan closed upon the Subprime Exposure with a vengeful flaring, and it relinquished our structured product, writhing like a stern bear struck by a cannon. The body of the Subprime Exposure convulsed loathfully , and it seemed to melt in the manner of wax, changing horribly beneath the flame as it undertook an incredible metamorphosis. Moment by moment, the thing took on the wavering similitude of man.

The unclean blackness swirled, assuming the weft of cloth amid its changes, and becoming the folds of a dark suit such as worn by a government official or conservative business executive. Then, above the cravatte, a face began to peer. The face, though shadowy and distorted, was that of Bernanke. The fire-shaped Greenspan assailed the abhorrently transfigured thing, and the face melted again into waxy blackness, and a great column of sooty smoke arose, followed by an odor of burning flesh. And out of the volumed smoke, above the hissing of Greenspan, there came a single cry in the voice of Bernanke.

Zimbambwenomics and Mugabe Efficiency Theory

Supply and demand is the bedrock of economics, the balance of which ensures cosmic order and more importantly, efficient allocation of scarce resources. But the problem with supply and demand is that sometimes the demand cannot afford the supply. This is where Mugabe Efficiency Theory comes in. In it, when supply is too dear, government fiat is needed to make it priced where demand can buy it. Problem solved, supply and demand clearly balanced and the cosmos is once again in order.

Zimbabweans are shopping like there's no tomorrow. [In] the aisles of Harare's electrical shops,...the widescreen TVs were the first things to go, for as little as £20. Across the country, shoes, clothes, toiletries and different kinds of food were all swept from the shelves as a nation with the world's fastest...economy gorged itself on one last spending spree.
Car dealers said...that a car costing £15,000 could be had for £30[.]

President Robert Mugabe's order that all shop prices be cut by at least half, and sometimes several times more, has forced stores to open to hordes of customers waving thick blocks of...money given new value by the price cuts. The police and groups of ruling party supporters could be seen leading the charge for a bargain.

...

The impact of the price cuts was felt almost immediately as fuel virtually disappeared from sale after garages were forced to sell petrol for 23p a litre, less than they paid the state-owned supplier.

The so-called "charge for a bargain" is exactly the kind of thing that will stimulate demand into consuming supply and ensure the economy is in a Mugabe Optimal state. If demand could not afford the supply, then the universe would probably implode making Mugabe Efficiency an important policy issue for all those who would prefer for existence to continue.

Economists say the price cuts will only deepen the national crisis, leaving many shops bare because they will not be able to afford to restock while official retail prices remain lower than the cost of buying wholesale or importing. Mr Mugabe has dismissed such warnings as "bookish economics".

Recommendation: We see no downside to Mugabe Efficiency Theory. If things are made more affordable by force, then more people can and will buy them. This will in turn grow the economy and spur production of....uhm....uhhhh...hmmm


HT to the undervalued Newmark's Door.

China Does Get It

What separates China from the rest of the world? Accountability.

China's former top food and drug regulator was executed Tuesday after his conviction on corruption charges, state-run news media said.

Zheng Xiaoyu, 62 years old, was given the death penalty on May 29 after being found guilty by a Beijing court on charges of taking bribes and dereliction of duty. Mr. Zheng, the former director of China's State Food and Drug Administration, appealed the verdict last month, but a higher court upheld it and the execution was approved by China's Supreme People's Court, according to Xinhua News Agency, which reported the news.

...

Mr. Zheng and other past SFDA officials were accused of accepting bribes in return for approving the sale and distribution of drugs. This past weekend, the SFDA said it had suspended the sale of a drug widely used to treat leukemia and other cancers after a number of patients suffered adverse reactions.

In the US, Secretary of Homeland Secretary Michael Chertoff still has his post despite overseeing FEMA during the disastrous handling of the Katrina aftermath. Iraq has been a debacle but Rummy resigned without being fired, and -- as far as we know -- is still standing. Former CEO of Home Depot (NYSE: HD), Robert Nardelli, oversaw a half dozen years of stock price stagnation and walked away alive with hundreds of millions in cash money.

Does the US really get it any more? I mean besides our high standards of living, long life expectancy and unparalleled freedom --things which only matter to theorists, liberals and puppy dogs. Does the US get it?

In China, the state would have culled the bottom 10% and sprinkled their remnants into Meow Mix so that Western cats would feast on soy-meal based bits of their under-performing souls. That is accountability.

If there was a chance that your performance review would end with your execution, you (even Canadians) would be motivated to effect the kind of growth the Chinese have been able to wring out of their rice paddies and toy factories the last 23 quarters or years or whatever.

And just to demonstrate that you can't be too cruel:

Another former SFDA official convicted on corruption charges was given a suspended death sentence Friday.

A suspended death sentence is a signal to the People to let them know that while Big Boss expects a lot, he is willing to show some mercy.

Recommendation: China gets how to set a tone and stick to it. This is why when the squids take over, China will be their no.2.