Dogs Can Smell Fake DVD’s and Other Malaysian Lies

The AP is reporting that the Motion Picture Association of America has trained two labradors to sniff out pirated DVD's. The dogs are named Lucky and Flo and they have reportedly help uncover 1.2 million pirated DVDs. As a result of this dog-gone amazing success:

Malaysian movie pirates have placed bounties on Lucky and Flo who have so far helped uncover $3.5million in fake CDs and DVDs during raids on warehouses....Theblack Labradors will participate in more Malaysian raids, but they also could be deployed to other countries for anti-piracy operations from time to time, Gane said. He declined to identify which countries were being considered, citing security. Lucky and Flo are the world's only dogs trained to detect a chemical used in making discs, the MPAA has said.

I call bullsh-t. Bullsh-t. Bullsh-t. Bullsh-t. They are not the only ones. I recently trained my dog to smell forged signatures - now he sits at the bank teller and barks whenever someone tries to endorse a check that's not theirs. He is the only dog in the world trained to smell a chemical used in forged signatures. He has put an end to identity fraud in New York City and he may be deployed to other cities which shall remain nameless for security reasons. He has a bounty and a blue bow on his head. Also he can smell fake orgasms, which was why I got rid of him in the first place.

Recommendation: Short lies and bullsh-t.

Make Emissions Delicious, Stop Global Warming

There is a consensus that global warming is a problem; not debatable.

There is a consensus that there is the potential that the magnitude of the problem will be ginormous; not debatable (the cause, the extent and the likelihood of this potential are all very debatable).

But there is no consensus on the solutions proposed, most of which have more holes than our own ozone (Kyoto), are as of yet unproven (carbon credit trading) or are downright scams (those firms like like Terrapass which allow you to "offset the carbon emissions of your car" by PAYING THEM to invest in renewable energy sources or planting trees and crap. Note to the world: you and the rest of the world are likely better off just picking a random publicly listed clean tech pureplay and sticking all your ROTH IRA moneys into it rather than filtering it through these toll collecting middle men. This is the same scam as Fair Trade. And your part in global warming is only slightly played by driving cars, as the bulk of your contribution to the problem comes indirectly from actions you take.).

This is when I use facts.

Fact: There are more people everyday.
Fact: More greenhouse gases enter the atmosphere everyday.
Fact: People need to eat.
Fact: Greenhouse gases may lead to global warming.

Solution: Make greenhouse gases more delicious.

If carbon emissions were delicious, people would eat them, and they would either disappear (the gases not the people) or be processed into harmless byproducts based on science. Despite this obvious solution, there is not one research scientist whom we uncovered in our digging who is working on a way to make carbon emissions delicious. And it's even worse than that. The millions of hungry mouth which are added to the world every week don't demand delicious edible exhaust; they would almost certainly settle for edible exhaust, a much easier bar to clear for any potential edible exhaust innovator.

Recommendation: In the current climate, there is a real opportunity for a company which is bold enough to place an R&D bet on the nascent "Clean Plate Tech" industry. But more that, for anyone with capital and a conscience, this is also a way to dollar vote for a better future, for your children and your children's children. It is a financial moral imperative to get this done.