Translating Corporate Speak: Auto OEM's

Executives and companies love to obfuscate. Since it's hard to understand the real meaning of their statements, we have provided a handy translation. Here are the words of automakers Ford and GM run through our propietary translation algorithm.
Corporate Speak: "Employee Discount for Everyone"
-We give back to you the profits that we weren't making anyway.
-Step 1 in our five year plan for bankruptcy and continued diminution.
-Step 2 will be new models of even bigger cars which nobody wants to buy.
Corporate Speak: "Ford Family Plan"
-Selling today for much cheaper, that which would have been sold tomorrow.
Corporate Speak: "We will not do business with suppliers who are in bankruptcy." [-GM's Purchasing Chief Bo Andersson]
-Since most Tier 1 and Tier 2 auto suppliers are either in bankruptcy or on the brink thereof, and since we are a big reason for that situation, we plan to compromise our principles shortly.